“It becomes yours”
As I was trechturously trembling via Malt liquor consumption and poor hygiene and starving gut, not to mention the inadequate threads and stinking I was unconciously enjoying, I again found myself behind the liquor store, guzzling the king of malt liquor beer, schlitz the notorious nerve med. Without noticing the AC vent was hot and vibrating, I dared to look inward as it struck my pineedle nerves. I had a dreamy insight of seeking relief from the havoc by considering a cop of the value of a quarter.
I sloberly asked gentleman after gentleman for this seamingly great token, the degregation of visual site and sloppiness of attire, had me whiningly begging as they kicked me to the gutters.
I again looked upon the long week of slumpy tragedies of self indulged bitter self worth, and totally beaten esteem. I managed to provoke a mear insight of satisfactory, being only momentarily, as I reached for my luke warm best advocate, yet most subtle foe, our shared quart of Bull. Me and my best buddy John..On the streets we called the old patron The Baptist.. After a few of the shameful insights almost deathing me, I prayed for another beer at first but somehow winded up in the psychiatric hospitals with no dose of john barleycorn to fullfill my nerves and drown me for good or lye me in the ground.
There I awakened and heard talk, which i didnt want to hear, as nurses and doctors lifted me out of self provoked degenerating state of rotting inside as well as inside..
I’ve prayed many times for relief but never honestly. The stories around the fire barrels seemed unworthy and the double standards of frienship rang in my uncontrollable inner voices. After a few dreary days and uncomposing control of body, with the nights full of weak minded visions, I was in full insanity and dispair..
With a few visits to the psychiatric hospitals resulting in near death experiences, my call to god for a reevaluation of my pitifull status was finely muttered.
I didnt know wut to say, but i had to try.. Advised prayers were presented to me, by nurses at first, as I was introduced to the highly respected groups of AA. After release of the hospital scene I had the gull to think I actually could control alcohol drinking. But same ol same for years thereafter and so on. The AA groups didnt teach controlled drinking, as I often lied to myself about.
But 30 days without alcohol brought forth a glimpse of “maybe” living life without alcohol. And now years of deadly health issues and unstable inner voices yelling and forcing me to grasp relief from the devils puppet, I am stable on medicine with god as my guide, and enjoying life without john barleycorn and the other cut throat demons.
Next month i’ll be celebrating 7 years of sobriety. And its all up to my relationship with God and persevering sobriety kne second at a timeMy aquired advice?? Tell yourself “Just Not right Now” every second you have to. And so you have a glimpse of faith, I’ll tell you.. It does get easier.. Just remember: “This too shall pass” and “We cant do this alone” and “To thyself be true
High and above a bustling city